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Bob Monkhouse The Life of an English Comedian 1928 to 2003

During my early years in England during the 1960’s and 1970’s one of the funniest and best entertainers was Bob Monkhouse who I watched on The Golden Shot – a hilarious games show. He was a successful Comedy writer, Comedian and actor and was also well known on British television as a Presenter and Game Show Host. Bob Monkhouse was famous for his one liner jokes. As he died in 2003 I thought I would write about his entertaining history.

Bob Monkhouse was born at 1st June 1928 at 168 Bromley Road, Beckenham, Kent the son of Wilfred Adrian Monkhouse, (1894-1957), and Dorothy Muriel Monkhouse née Hansard, (1895-1971). Monkhouse had an elder brother, John, born 1922. Monkhouse’s father was a prosperous Methodist businessman who owned Monk and Glass, which made custard powder.

While a schoolboy at Dulwich College, from which he was later expelled, Monkhouse wrote for the comics The Beano and The Dandy and subsequently drew for Hotdpur, Wizard and Adventure comics. Among other writing, he wrote more than 100 Harlem Hotspots erotic novelettes.

Monkhouse completed his National Service with the Royal Air force (RAF) in 1948. He won a contract with the BBC after his unwitting group captain signed a letter Monkhouse had written telling the BBC he was a war hero and that it should give him an audition.

Writing and Acting success

Bob Monkhouse’s adult career began as a scriptwriter for radio comedy in partnership with Denis Goodwin, a fellow Old Alleynian with whom he also compèred Smash Hits on Radio Luxembourg. Alongside performing as a double act, Monkhouse and Goodwin wrote for comedians such as Arthur Askey, Jimmy Edwards, Ted Ray and Max Miller.[3][6] In addition, Monkhouse was a gag-writer for American comedians including Bob Hope when they wanted jokes for British tours.

In 1956, Monkhouse was the host of Do You Trust Your Wife?, the British version of an American gameshow. He went on to host more than 30 different quiz shows on British television.[3] His public profile growing, Monkhouse also began appearing in comedy films, including the first of the Carry On film series, Carry On Sergeant in 1958. He appeared in films and television programmes throughout his career, making guest appearances particularly in later years. Other presenting jobs in the 1960s included hosting Candid Camera and compèring Sunday Night at the London Palladium. Around 1969 he was a partner, with Henry Howard, in the London Agency Mitchell Monkhouse. In 1979 he starred in a sketch comedy television series called Bonkers! with the Hudson Brothers.

In the early 1970s he appeared on BBC Radio in Mostly Monkhouse with Josephine Tewson and David Jason.

Stand Up Comedy

Monkhouse was a respected stand up comedian. Known for his talent at ad-lib, he became a sought-after speaker for dinners and similar events. In 1976 he was the speaker at the Mars, Incorporated sales conference at the Excelsior Hotel on Bath Road opposite Heathrow Airport. He had been in a television advert for Polaroid cameras, and he told the joke, ‘I am the only man ever allowed to say on television “you take it out and hold it in your hand, and in only 20 seconds it develops – or a minute if you want it in colour.”‘

Game Shows

Bob Monkhouse was well known for hosting television quiz shows. One of his biggest successes was The Golden Shot during the late 1960s. This was broadcast live for 52 weeks a year and drew in up to 17 million viewers.[6] The dozens of other shows Monkhouse presented included Celebrity Squares, Bob’s Full House and Family Fortunes. Audiences regularly topped 15 million.[2] In the late 1980s he hosted two series of the revival of the talent show Opportunity Knocks which aired as Bob Says Opportunity Knocks. He then moved to ITV to front two more gameshows, Bob’s Your Uncle and the $64,000 Dollar Question, neither of which were popular successes.

In 1996, Monkhouse presented the National Lottery show on Saturday evenings on BBC One. The opening to each show would see him deliver several minutes of topical jokes, and on one occasion where his Autocue failed, he improvised a new and still topical routine. This talent was used in Bob Monkhouse On The Spot, a return to pure television comedy, in which audience members suggested topics and Monkhouse came up with a routine. Monkhouse returned to quizzes in 1998 when he took over hosting duties on Wipeout from Paul Daniels.

Chat Shows

In the 1980’s he had his own chat show on the BBC called The Bob Monkhouse Show. The show lasted two series and featured many guests from the world of movies and comedians of every age. Monkhouse was known among young comedians as a keen supporter of new comedy, and he used the show to introduce older audiences to new comedians, and vice versa. The format of the interviews varied between “true” chat and analysis of comedy, to scripted routines in which Monkhouse would willingly play the role of the guest’s stooge.

The most notable guest was the comedienne Pamela Stephenson who, after prior arrangement with the show’s producer, appeared in a series of fake plaster casts, apparently the result of accidents whilst at home. During the interview she produced a handgun and fired it on several occasions, destroying a plant pot on the set and a series of lights in the studio roof. She then presented a rocket launcher which she promptly ‘fired’ destroying a television camera. The gun, launcher and camera were replicas. None of this arrangement was known to Monkhouse (although the production crew were aware) who appeared genuinely frightened.

Personal Life

Bob Monkhouse was married twice, to Elizabeth Thompson on 5 November 1949 (divorced in 1972), and then to Jacqueline Harding on 4 October 1973. He had three children from his first marriage, but only his daughter Abigail survived him. His son Gary Alan and his other son Simon died before him.

In July 1995, Monkhouse appealed for the return of a ring binder that constituted one of his ‘joke books’, offering a £15,000 reward. The book, which contained notes on sketches and one-liners, for which Monkhouse was most famous, was returned after 18 months.

Monkhouse was a vocal supporter of the British Conservative party for many years, regularly attending the annual conference.He was appointed an OBE in 1993.

Career Summary:

Television – As a performer

• Bob’s Your Uncle UK 1990s

• Fast and Loose UK 1954 (with Denis Goodwin)

• Christmas Box UK 1955

• The Bob Monkhouse Show UK 1956

• Beat Up The Town UK 1957

• My Pal Bob UK 1957

• The Bob Monkhouse Hour UK 1958

• The Big Noise UK 1964

• Thirty Minute Theatre:The Flip Side (BBC2 Drama as Jerry Janus)UK 1966

• Mad Movies UK 1966

• The Golden Shot UK 1967

• Friends In High Places UK 1969

• The Bob Monkhouse Comedy Hour UK 1972

• I’m Bob, He’s Dickie UK 1977

• Bonkers! UK 1979

• The Bob Monkhouse Show UK 1983

• An Audience With Bob Monkhouse UK 1994

• Bob Monkhouse On The Spot UK 1995

• Bob Monkhouse – Over The Limit UK 1998

• Bob Monkhouse On Campus UK 1998

• Rex the Runt (1998, cameo)

• BBC New Comedy Awards UK 1999

• Aaagh! It’s the Mr. Hell Show UK/Canada 2001

• $64,000 Question (UK version of The 64,000 Dollar Question)

• All or Nothing

• Celebrity Squares (UK version of Hollywood Squares)

• Family Fortunes (UK version of Family Feud)

• Wipeout (1998–2002)

• Bob’s Full House (later remade as Lucky Numbers in the UK and Trump Card in the US)

• Opportunity Knocks

As a writer

• Fast And Loose UK 1954

• Cyril’s Saga UK 1957

• Early To Braden UK 1957

• My Pal Bob UK 1957

• The Bob Monkhouse Hour UK 1958

• The Big Noise UK 1964

• The Bob Monkhouse Comedy Hour UK 1972

• I’m Bob, He’s Dickie UK 1977

• Marti UK 1977

• Bonkers! UK 1979

• An Audience With Bob Monkhouse UK 1994

• Bob Monkhouse On The Spot UK 1995

• Bob Monkhouse – Over The Limit UK 1998

As an author

• Book of Days, 1981, ISBN 0099271508

• Crying with Laughter: My Life Story 1994 ISBN 0099255812

• Over the Limit: My Secret Diaries 1993-98, 1999 ISBN 0099799812

• The World of Jonathan Creek with Steve Clark, 1999, ISBN 0563551356

• Just Say a Few Words 2004 ISBN 0753509083

As a singer

• You Rang, M’Lord? 1988

As a voice actor

• Rex the Runt 1998 (Johnny Saveloy in “Johnny Saveloy’s Undoing”)

• “Aaagh! It’s the Mr. Hell Show 2001″ (Mr. Hell in all 13 episodes)

As a TV Presenter

• ” Comedy Playhouse” 2002 – 2003 (?)

Radio

• Mostly Monkhouse

• I Think I’ve Got a Problem

Films

• The Secret People 1952

• Carry On Sergeant 1958

• Dentist in the Chair 1960

• Dentist on the Job 1961

• A Weekend with Lulu 1962

• She’ll Have to Go 1962

• Thunderbirds Are Go 1966

• The Bliss of Mrs. Blossom 1968

• Simon, Simon 1970

Funny Quotes and Jokes

Notable one-liners

• “They laughed when I said I was going to be a comedian. They’re not laughing now.

• “Personally, I don’t think there’s intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?”

• “Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted.

• “Marriage is an investment which pays dividends if you pay interest.

• “I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my father. Not screaming and terrified like his passengers.” (Said on the advert which was broadcast after he had died)

• “Growing old is compulsory – growing up is optional.”

• “As a comic, you need every wrinkle. Having a facelift would be like asking a tap dancer to have his feet lopped off.”

• “I came home and found that my son was taking drugs – my very best ones too!” (on Have I Got News For You)

• “I’m rather relaxed about death. From quite an early age I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.”

• “So you are half Welsh and half Hungarian, that means you are well-hung!” (on V Graham Norton)

• (on stage as a veteran comic)”You’ll be glad to hear, I can still enjoy sex at 74 which is great because I live at 76.”[

• "I can remember when safe sex meant a padded headboard."

• "It got up to 94 degrees today - that's pretty good at my age."

• "People often think I'm from Kent. I hear them whisper it as I walk past."

• On his visits to Princess Grace Hospital for treatment after being diagnosed with prostate cancer--"I've been in and out of Princess Grace more often than Prince Rainier."

• "With my wife it was sex, sex, sex...Yes, three times in 35 years."

• "Should you wish to piss...." (an infamous blooper when presenting The $64,000 Question in which he mispronounced the word "pass")

• "Dulwich College takes me back after seventy years: My Mum must have written one hell of a sick note!"

• "The Doctor said have you heard of faecal impaction? I said, I think I saw that with Glenn Close" Joking about his cancer battle on Parkinson in 2003.

Game show catchphrases

• "Bernie.... the bolt!" - catchphrase on The Golden Shot.

• "In Bingo lingo clickety-clicks, it's time to take your pick of the six"- catchphrase on Bob's Full House.

Stand-Up videos

• Exposes Himself (17 October 1994)

• Live And Forbidden (23 October 1995)

• Way Over The Limit (23 November 1998)

He succumbed to Prostate cancer and died on 29th December 2003.

Posthumous Advert

On 12 June 2007, Monkhouse posthumously appeared on a British TV advertisement promoting awareness of prostrate canacer for Male Cancer Awareness Week. Using reanimation techniques, Monkhouse was seen in a graveyard next to his own grave (though in reality he was cremated) talking about the disease seriously, interspersed with humorous asides to another camera ("What killed me kills one man per hour in Britain. That's even more than my wife's cooking."). He ended by saying, "As a comedian, I've died many deaths. Prostate cancer, I don't recommend. I'd have paid good money to stay out of here. What's it worth to you?" before walking away from his grave and disappearing. The advertisement was made with the support of Monkhouse's family and supported by poster campaigns. Money raised went to the Prostate Cancer Research Foundation.

Please visit my Funny Animal Art Prints Collection @ http://www.fabprints.com

My other website is called Directory of British Icons: http://fabprints.webs.com

The Chinese call Britain 'The Island of Hero's' which I think sums up what we British are all about. We British are inquisitive and competitive and are always looking over the horizon to the next adventure and discovery.

Copyright © 2010 – 2011 Paul Hussey. All Rights Reserved.

About the Author

I have recently decided to write articles on my favourite subjects: English Sports, English History, English Icons, English Discoveries and English Inventions.

At present I have written many articles which I call "An Englishman's Favourite Bits Of England" as various chapters.

Please visit my Blogs page http://Bloggs.Resourcez.Com where I have listed my most recent articles to date.

Copyright © 2010 - 2011 Paul Hussey. All Rights Reserved.

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